Today You Remember, Tomorrow You'll Forget It

Prolog


Irene memejamkan matanya. Dibiarkannya bulir-bulir air mata menetes menuruni pipinya yang tirus. Di bibirnya tersungging sebuah senyuman. Entah itu senyuman dari dalam lubuk hatinya. Ataukah itu adalah senyuman yang dibuatnya semata-mata untuk menutupi segala keresahan hatinya? Sudahlah, tak ada yang perlu dirisaukan. Tiada yang perlu dipikirkan dan dicermati. Dia hanya ingin menikmati kesunyian itu. Dia hanya ingin mengkhayati suasana hening nan syahdu itu. Kini, hanya ada dirinya dan dia. Hanya ada dirinya dan yang terkasih.
Perasaan bersalah itu kembali merambati relung hati Irene. Digertakkannya gerahamnya, berusaha untuk melupakan segalanya. Berusaha untuk menikmati keadaan duniawi itu untuk sebentar. Satu jam saja. Atau satu menit. Atau barangkali sedetik. Ya, sedetik pun tak akan dia siakan untuk pemuda itu. Akan dia curahkan segalanya cintanya yang menggebu-gebu kepada pemuda itu. Hanya kepadanya. Hanya kepada yang tercinta. Tiada yang lain selainnya. Tiada pengecualian. Meski dusta harus menyayat segala janji, meski kecewa harus ditelan, meski hinaan harus diterima, meski derita terus menerpa.
Apakah salah cinta yang dirasa? Mana yang salah? Salah dimana? Ah, sudahlah. Tak perlulah dia pikirkan itu. Yang terpenting adalah cintanya tak bertepuk sebelah tangan. Namun, akankah cinta itu abadi? Tanpa harus menyakiti hati yang lain? Irene tak tahu jawabnya. Dia hanya mengikuti arus keinginan hatinya. Dan hatinya telah berlabuh pada satu tempat. Sebuah tempat yang lebih tepat disebut jurang kenistaan. Namun, Irene menyebutnya sebagai surge dunia. Ah, manusia memang bodoh. Tiada setitik pun hal yang mereka lewatkan dari nikmatnya surga dunia. Irene mereguk rasa bahagia itu sebanyak-banyaknya. Tak ada yang akan tahu, ucapnya dalam hati berusaha menenangkan dirinya sendiri. Sorot matanya menatap sayang kepada kedua mata yang tertutup itu. Kedua mata milik pemuda itu. Kepolosan terpancar dari wajah pemuda itu. Kepolosan yang dimiliki oleh remaja usia belasan. Kepolosan yang tak pantas dimiliki Irene. Tapi, harus bagaimana lagi? Cinta memang membutakan segalanya.
Irene mengelus helaian rambut pemuda itu dengan jemari halusnya. Pemuda itu mendengkur perlahan bagai dengkuran kucing kecil yang menantikan induknya. Irene tersenyum kecil. Sekali lagi, bahagia itu dirasakannya. Tubuhnya menikmati sentakan aliran listrik itu. Sudah lama dia tidak merasa berdebar-debar. Ya, sudah lama sekali. Irene sudah berniat untuk bangkit meninggalkan pemuda itu saat sebuah tangan meraih jemarinya.
“Kak, jangan tinggalkan aku. Temani aku…..” rintih pemuda itu dengan suaranya yang agak kacau dipengaruhi faktor menuju kedewasaan.
Kembali. Air mata Irene kembali terjatuh. Air mata bahagia itu. Irene terduduk kembali di kursi kayunya. Matanya kembali memandangi sosok yang terbaring di atas ranjang itu. Sosok yang terlihat lemah dan imut. Sosok yang memancarkan kepolosan. Namun, sorot mata itu tak akan pernah Irene lupakan. Sorot mata yang memancarkan sifat ambisius. Ah, memang itu kan yang membuatnya jatuh cinta pada pemuda itu? Ataukah karena hal lain? Tidak. Sudah pasti karena sorot mata itu. Jika tidak, mengapa matanya tak bisa beralih dari sorot mata malaikat itu? Ah, cinta. Tuluskah cintanya itu? Sudah pasti. Mungkin saja. Semoga saja.
Hanya sebuah nama yang terucap dari bibir Irene yang pucat, “Alfred…….”

Love, Love, Love.....What Does It Mean?

Well, well, well. Lagi-lagi gue kembali pada topik ini. Cinta. Entah kenapa hal ini terus kepikiran di otak gue sejak 14 Desember 2010. Sampai sekarang gue gak tau dan gak ngerti apa arti sebenarnya dari cinta. Dari dulu gue beranggapan bahwa cinta itu gak ada. Yang ada hanyalah mutual benefit. Saling sharing keuntungan. Misalnya si cewek punya kelebihan tampang yang cantik dan si cowok punya kelebihan harta. Gue gak mau naive sih. Gue juga sama kayak anak cewek lain yang punya impian untuk bertemu dengan pangerannya (read: cinta sejati), tapi masalahnya apa itu cinta sejati? Selama ini temen temen gue selalu curhat masalah ini sama gue dan gue selalu ngasih saran. Tapi itu semua gak didasarkan pada pengalaman gue. Itu semua semata-mata didasarkan pada ilusi. Apa itu cinta? Gue yang notabene adalah seorang amatir yang belum pernah merasakan cinta, punya pendapat tersendiri tentang cinta :

-Cinta adalah sebuah kejujuran dan kepercayaan

-Cinta adalah sebuah perjuangan dalam belenggu kegigihan dan semangat pantang menyerah. Mundur dan memutuskan untuk mencari cinta yang lain karna cintamu bertepuk sebelah tangan sama sekali bukan alasan. Selama kita masih punya kesempatan, tak ada salahnya untuk dicoba kan? Jika kemungkinanmu hanya 30% itu berarti kau akan ditolak 7 kali dan diterima 3 kali, tapi akhirnya tetap saja happy ending bukan?

-Cinta bukanlah sebuah fatamorgana

-Cinta bukanlah mencari keuntungan tetapi mempelajari kekurangan pasangan

-Cinta adalah saat kita bisa bersikap alami di depannya

-Cinta adalah sebuah sinyal yang lebih kuat dari sinyal manapun yang menghubungkan kita pada pasangan jiwa kita

-Cinta adalah belajar mengikhlaskan orang yang kita sayangi dengan dia yang lebih baik dari kita

-Cinta adalah menyukai suatu ketidaksempurnaan

-Cinta adalah belajar memandang pasangan kita bukan sebagai "orang asing" tapi sebagai "sahabat"

-Cinta adalah dimana kamu bisa tersenyum tulus untuk dia

-Cinta adalah sebuah perjumpaan tanpa perpisahan

-Cinta adalah sesuatu yang mengenal rasa sakit untuk pencapaian dalam bahagia

-Cinta adalah lantunan indah nan syahdu yang membuat hidupmu seakan lebih berwarna

-Cinta adalah sesuatu yang tidak ada sangkut pautnya dengan materi, fisik, dsbnya

-Cinta adalah sesuatu yang terasa pedih namun memberimu pelajaran yang bermakna

-Cinta adalah dirimu sendiri saat kau tengah merasakan hal itu



Itu pendapat gue mengenai hal ini. Pendapat seorang amatir yang sama sekali belum pernah tau akan hal itu. Hmm mungkin saat ini gue merasakan hal itu meski dia udah punya seseorang yang disayanginya. Tapi gue tetep optimis. Like he found his princess, i'll find my prince soon :)




I guess i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

Favorite Songs Part 2

Shut Up by Simple Plan

There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big show
its all about you
You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time to criticize me

It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today...

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get up, get up, get up
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

There you go
You never ask why
It's all a big lie
Whatever you do
You think your special
But I know and I know and I know and we know
That you're not

You're always there
To point out my mistakes
And shove them in my face
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today...

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get up, get up, get up
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

(So Shut up, shut up, shut up)
Is gonna bring me down
(Shut up, shut up, shut up)
You'll never bring me down

Don't tell me who I should be
(Don't tell me who I should be)
And don't try to tell me what's right for me
Don't tell me what I should do
I don't want to waste my time
I'll watch you fade away

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get up, get up, get up
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

Shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get up, get up, get up
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say
Is gonna bring me down

Bring me down
Shut up, shut up, shut up
You won't bring me down
Bring me down
Shut up, shut up, shut up
You won't bring me
Shut up, shut up, shut up!


Time To Say Goodbye by Simple Plan

I just don't want to waste another day
I'm trying to make things right
But you shove it in my face
And all those things you've done to me I can't erase
And I can't keep this inside
It's time to say goodbye

On the first day that I met you
I should have known to walk away
I should have told you you were crazy
And disappear without a trace
But instead I stood there waiting
Hoping you would come around
But you always found a way to let me down

[Chorus]
It's time to say goodbye
(I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye
(Cause things will never be the same)
It's time to say goodbye
(You make me think I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

After all the things I've done for you
You never tried to do the same
It's like you always play the victim
And I'm the one you always blame
When you need someone to save you
When you think you're going to drown
(Think you're going to drown)
You just grab your arms around me and pull me down

[Chorus]
It's time to say goodbye
(I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye
(Cause things will never be the same)
It's time to say goodbye
(You make me think I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

Now I'm gone
It's too late
You can't fix
Your mistakes
I was trying to save you from you
So you scream
So you cry
I can see
Through your lies
You're just trying to change me
(Trying to change me)

Somewhere in the distance
There's a place for me to go
I don't want you to hate me
But I think you need to know
You're weighing on my shoulders
And I'm sick of feeling down
So I guess it's time for me to say goodbye



Mean by Taylor Swift

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded
You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them
I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean
All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?




PS : "mean" means that you ve a bad attitude.

What's Your Future Dream?

Setiap orang punya cita-cita dan impian. Entah itu menjadi dokter, guru, pengusaha, penulis, astronot, atau apapun juga. Kemarin gue sempet ngomongin tentang masa depan sama Fang. Dia bilang ke gue kalo dia mau kerja di bagian farmasi dan gue bilang ke dia kalo gue mau jadi astronot. Gue sempet takut dia bakalan ngetawain gue. Ternyata dia ngedukung gue! Dia masih Fang yang dulu, yang selalu tau apa yang gue inginkan :) Terus gue berkhayal sama dia kalo nanti pas gue udah jadi astronot, dia adalah orang pertama yang akan gue ajak ke luar angkasa. Dia tanya "kemana?" Langsung satu jawaban terlintas di pikiran gue "Bulan!" Fang tertawa mendengarnya. Dia bilang kayak gini "kalo kamu udah jadi astronot tentu nama kamu akan terpampang di layar televisi. Jangan lupa tentang aku ya kalo kamu udah jadi astronot terkenal. Nanti kita bakalan keliling luar angkasa." Such sweet sentences haha. Hmm terus apalagi ya? Oh iya dia juga bilang kalo cita-cita lainnya adalah menjadi tour guide dan dia bilang kalo dia bisa jadi tour guide, gue adalah orang pertama yang akan dia ajak berkeliling. Dia tanya "kamu mau kemana? apa tempat yang paling kamu ingin datangi?" Gue langsung jawab dengan spontan "Taiwan!" Lagi-lagi dia tertawa. Dia bilang "oke, aku akan mengantarmu ke negaraku." Terus dia juga bilang sebaiknya gue mengunjungi negaranya pas bulan apa dan apa tergantung cuacanya. Gue bilang ke dia "kamu bisa gak nganterin aku ke kuil Long-Shen? kamu tau kan kalo aku suka banget sama kuil? aku mau kamu nganterin aku kesana." Dia sempat bingung sejenak "Long-Shen? Dimana itu?" Aku jawab "Taipei. Hey, itu kan sangat terkenal." Dia googling sebentar "oh ya! Aku tau maksudmu! Sorry, orang-orang disini menyebutnya Dragon Mountain. Tapi mungkin cukup Long-Shen aja ya? Kamu mau aku nganterin kamu kesana? Itu hal yang mudah." Gue tersenyum sejenak "ya, aku mau kesana. aku mau beli batu jade disana yang katanya bagus bagus." Dia bilang "oh, kamu suka batu itu? aku bisa membelikanmu kalo kamu ke Taiwan." Terus gue dan dia juga ngobrolin hal-hal apa yang bakalan dilakukan kalo gue sama dia udah dewasa. Pokoknya kita janjian bakalan selalu bersama sebagai partner :) Obrolan kita akhirnya jadi ngalor ngidul dan sampai ke film-film. Gue sama dia sama-sama penggemar film horror, suspense, thriller. Yah, ngobrol sama dia asik dan nyambung banget. Dia masih Fang yang dulu. Yang gak pernah bikin gue bete dan gak pernah ngecewain gue.
Jadi apapun impian lo pasti bakalan menyenangkan kalo mendapat dukungan penuh dari salah satu orang yang lo sayang. Seperti gue yang mendapat dukungan penuh dari sahabat gue :)

Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover

Hey-yo peeps! Finally, i could open my blog. Well, yesterday i wanted to post something but i just couldn't open it. Well, today i wanna talk abt myself. Everybody always looks at me as a "glamorous and feminine" girl, but actually she/he already made a big mistake. I'm not like what people say. I'm not glamorous. It's better if you call me "elegant" If other girls love to go to spa or something like that, the fact is i hate it. Let me tell you once again, I HATE IT! I hate to go to barbershop too! I hate when someone does something with my hair or my body. I love to care with my hair or body by myself. And when other girls love to talk abt money, new cellphone, jewelry, new bag, etc...i feel like i wanna die because i hate to talk abt those stuffs! And abt feminine, well i'm a bit feminine. JUST A BIT. When other girls hate to climb the tree, i love doing it. When other girls hate reptiles, i do love them. When other girls hate to bring something heavy, i love doing it. See what i mean? A feminine girl won't do those things. So, i'm just a bit feminine because it's just abt my style when i wear a dress! It's better if you call me "stylish" Get what i mean? Okay people, seems like i need to turn off my computer now. Just remember one thing, don't judge a girl by her cover! Bye!

King Of Anything by Sarah Bareilles

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see

You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.

Best Poems

Confessions Of A Broken Heart
by John Laset

Pain... Tension... Fatigue...
Depression...
Anger, Aggression, Frustration.
All these unwanted sensations -
Burning, hurting, tearing.
My heart alone, cold and fearing.
Why won't you let me sleep, let me rest,
Let me forget
To eradicate, eliminate, destroy all my regrets?
These memories inside, swirling, twirling,
unwilling to reside in the corner of my mind.
Repeating, resisting, insisting -
Refusing to be denied its recognition
Of its position in my
Frustration, Confusion, Delusion.
Ah, to close my eyes and let time fly by,
Because there's so much to gain
By forgetting these dreams driving me insane.
Unfocused, unclear, out of control,
My world spinning, spinning, spinning,
My sanity flying through the door.
My reason, my logic, oh, it's tragic,
Like fine sands running through my hands,
I'm losing my mind.



Heart Thoughts
by Jfreak
Sitting here remembering when
I saw the beauty rush out like a might wind
I never saw it before or bothered to notice
But now I see it and on it I am focused.
The gentleness of your voice
The way you make me feel
when I see your lovely smile.
The way you laugh and care for others
Even go beyond the extra mile.
I am focused on that
whether you believe me or not
My heart aches for you
And my stomach is in knots.
Now I had to declare,
The thoughts of my heart.
In hopes that you'd give me,
A place in your heart



Between Us
by May Queen
There is the melody
I can't play for you,
There is the song
I can't sing for you.

Always,
I want to be with you,
Touch, feel your heart.

Between us
There is the line
I can't cross.



I Want To Know
by Horace Whitfield
I want to know the you
That has not been introduced to anyone else.
I'm talking about the you
That you've been keeping to yourself.

I want to know your most recent fantasy -
You know, the one that just tickled your fancy.
I want to know each and every thought of me,
So I can lay back and contemplate bringing them to reality.

I want to know that spot
That seems to be under so much stress.
Because as a body physician, I have the answer -
It just needs to be caressed.

I want to know if that same spot
Was rubbed, licked and kissed,
Would your mind ponder
On what you could've missed.

I want to know what makes you happy,
What makes you sad,
What makes you sigh
And what makes you cry.

If I have to take a dive,
And explore the ocean floor,
I'll find out
And bring it back to shore.

I want to know,
That no matter what we're going through
Whether our lives are sunny or blue
I want to know - do I have a friend in you?





PS : Dedicated for that ordinary guy.